Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Where I began learning Grace...

Alot of people that know me or many that don't.. shortly after getting to know me, they usually always ask.. "How did you tell your parents when you found out you were pregnant? "

Well here goes..February of 2008.. I first found out I was pregnant.. To say the least.. it was not a good day! I went into total freak out mode.. I sat and cried and cried. I contemplated many things over and over in my head. I had a precious friend/roommate Amanda at the time. She let me cry.. she let me scream.. she let me be angry.. she let me be me... I was only 21. I was the girl brought up to know better. I was the girl with a family that had a strong reputation in our church. In my head, this wasn't supposed to happen.

(Me at 21)

Finally, after a few days.. reality sunk in. I called my sister, Terah. She was my support..she kept me thinking straight, and promised to be by my side. Next person was my brother, Seth. He had to take some time to  accept it. Being my big brother, he wanted to protect me from everything. Finally, due to some difficulties I had early on in my pregnancy.. I had no choice but to call my Dad. I was scared. I remember the night and phone conversation clearer then anything in my life. It was raining and I was sitting in my car outside of a Planned Parenthood. I truly felt lost and confused. Being a single mom wasn't part of my plan. I had told Grace's dad at this point and he had made it clear this wasn't part of his plan either. My dad picked up.. we chatted like normal for a bit.. then I broke. I began to tell him, but couldn't stop crying. I remember him saying," This is a conversation I was hoping to never have.. you don't have to tell me anymore." He then asked me what my thoughts were.. I began to say how confused and lost I was.. and this is a summary of his words...

"Jess, you've made an adult decision. As your dad I would love to be able to fix this, but this is out of my hands. I have no right and will not make this decision for you. I will tell you that no matter what decision you make, I am your father and always will be. I will love you forever. You do not beat yourself up or hold your head down. You are always my daughter and I am always proud of you. You know the choices you have made to get you to this point are wrong. Now you have another choice to make. You can do what the world says is "ok" and abort this baby, but do not believe the lie that it will fix everything and make it go away. Know that you will have to live with that choice forever. You can carry this baby and choose to give it up for adoption or you can carry this baby and raise it, and your Mom and I will be here to support you. But know this, everyone of those choices have consequences and you need to choose which one is right and the one you can live with. I love you"

Those words made sense, those words brought about a lot of peace in my head. Those words were so full of love and grace like I had never felt. My dad didn't condemn and say, "how could you?" My Dad told me the harsh realities all the while, loving me. That moment will live with me forever.

Telling each sibling after was not easy.. My mom was probably the hardest moment, but she like my Dad showed me true grace. I told her with an older sister present, unsure of how it would go. I remember the look of shock, followed by some tears and she looked at me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Jessica, I have told you since you were born. We are all sinners saved by grace. I am no better.." She talked shortly of accountability and repentance. Then kindly said she would need some time to work through it, but she loved me no matter what. 

My parents did not only talk Grace.. they lived it, and have continued to...

Nov. 17, 2008 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.. her name, of course..Grace Makayla Hohman.

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